Our Son

“This act is as ancient as any tree growing in every and any direction

in the gleaming of the sun you are my son. This act is as ancient as any bee gathering pollen to make herself some honey. The bud we have chosen blooms eternally in the gleaming of the sun you are my son. “- Trousers

One year ago I gave birth to my beautiful son Finnegan. At 5:21 in the morning and after 31 long, hard, agonizing hours our son, with his first breath came to greet us. As I sit here and think back on that day, I feel very happy. Happy he was born, happy he was healthy, happy that he IS healthy, happy that we finally have our boy that we worked so very hard to get.

I thought I would take this time to share my story. It is a rather unique one. Maybe it will touch someone in some sort of way; give them hope or reassurance in preparation for their big day, perhaps someone who is already a mother will take a few minutes to smile and reminisce about the day their child was born.

It was around 11:30 at night that I started to feel my first labor pains. I made myself a bath, packed a few last minute things in my bag and got comfy on the sofa with a movie. I knew there was no way I would sleep; at this point I was way too excited. I decided to wake my husband at about 3am and decided to call my midwife. She told me to get some sleep and call her again at 7. 7 could not come quick enough. The pain was rather intense. At 8 am we headed to our chosen birthing center- Labor of Love-*, called our mothers and gave each other a big hug. I was only two centimeters when we arrived and my water still had not broken. With our parents and Duala by our side the pain got stronger and the contractions got closer. My husband and I took a walk down by the water behind the birthing center to help things get moving. Nothing was happening, just lots and lots of pain. The midwife politely asked our family to leave for a bit to give me some privacy. I was having a hard time making any progress. Maybe I was nervous, maybe I was worried or maybe I just needed a little space. While they were gone I dilated two more centimeters. Four centimeters and half way through the afternoon, the midwife decided to break my water. At this point we were thinking that it wouldn’t be much longer before things started to speed up and we would be able to have our little boy with us. Wow! were we wrong. Still nothing was happening. The pain was so bad that I started to get scared and thought that something was horribly wrong. I could hear people whispering, people telling me to “sit this way” or “lay that way”. I just wanted this to be over and to be home in my bed.  My midwife was telling me that if I didn’t start progressing over the next few hours we would have to go to the hospital. This scared me more than anything. I did NOT want to go to the hospital. I knew that a hospital would force a C-section, drugs and things that I was not okay with. Things that were against what my husband and I both believed in and wanted. At this time, around 9pm they brought in another midwife so that the others could go home and get some rest. As the new midwife came in, I knew that she would be my saving grace.

She put me in the tub and told me that I would have this baby HERE, if I really wanted to. They were keeping a very close eye on me and the baby, making sure we were both stable and that our hearts were strong enough to take on what was about to happen. She told me that the reason why I was not progressing and I was feeling such intense pain was because the baby was turned the wrong way. His head was pushing against my back, giving me horrible back labor. If this was not bad enough, he was also tilting his head, making it difficult for him to move down into the birth canal.

As I sat with my husband by my side in the tub- the tears rolling down my face, everyone surrounding me- I dug deep inside myself to find a strength I didn’t think I had. My husband put my face in his hands and lovingly told me that I could do this, I made up my mind to do whatever I had to do to get this done. I knew this was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do but I also knew that this was the only way (for me at least). I was not going to budge on what I felt was the right way. So I got out of the tub and moved to the bed. My midwife and nurse made me do all kinds of crazy positions during each contraction, allowing the baby to turn and move down. I thought I was going to die and at times I thought I was already dead. It was so intense, so unreal yet so real. With the help of my midwife, my two nurses, my Duala and my wonderful most giving husband we got our baby to turn. Finally at 3:30 in the morning and at only 8 centimeters I was ready to push my baby out. There was no way I was waiting for ten; I had to push and I had to push right now. After two hours of pushing, our son Finnegan was born at 5:21am February 8, 2011. He is perfect, he is beautiful, he is ours and he is finally here! Welcome Finnegan Sean!

 This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do and probably ever will do, but I had a great support team and the strength and grace that they all lent me was truly beautiful and satisfying. I felt free. I felt relieved. I felt like I had just conquered the world. My son is truly my greatest triumph!

This experience taught me that, no matter what trials you may face and no matter how large or difficult they may seem, you can achieve your goal! No matter what challenges you may face during labor, just remind yourself that chances are it may not always go exactly according to your plan. Listen to your body, listen to your baby, work together and most importantly don't let anyone ever tell you that you can't do it, because you can and you WILL!!!!! And don't let anyone make you feel crazy for choosing a certain way to labor or a certain way to birth your baby. You are a women and a mother. You have a right to do it the way you want to!

Happy birthing!
 *http://laborluv.com/dunedin_birth_center.html